It's time for a new beginning (:

Been sleeping and eating medicine and sleeping....

Really need to pray.
Gah.

Exhausted
Math quiz and culture exam tmr.

Gah.

Needta get up, and get a touch from heaven.

What a great great great video.

Well, i cried. I'm sure jo did (i think). Mao did. ambrose"OMGGG SOO NICEEE" (omggg so gay!). & many more.
THANK YOU YX !!!!! Haha. This vid is for all those going through hard times. Which i believe is everyone. So everyone, this vid is for you! :)

HELlo. School wasnt that bad honestly. Last night was just totally me losing control :( I must practise what i preach. I told chelsea ytd must learn to act and not REact. Reacting is when the circumstance is in control of you. Acting is when you are in control of the circumstance. Yeah... Needta do that better. On the bright side, had a reallllllllllllllllly long prayer time with bestfwen over the phone ytd and it really made me alot happier :)

today physics quiz is the first time i'm so confident of doing well despite the fact that i didnt bring my calculator nor protractor and like mrs wong probably was thinkin i was copyin or sumthin haha. today tay ziwei slapped me alot :( idiot. and today i brought subway cookies for lunch, and coincidentally they were selling subway cookies. everyone kept asking if i bought it neh-eh. its b(R)ought haha.

Got back chinese compo :) my favourite part of chinese haha. i'm actually NOT BAD at it. omg. lol. yezzz so now im home and i really feel like swimming (despite not swimming in years) hahaha. yeah so bye!

I NEED TO BE MORE STABLE.
I NEED TO BE MORE STABLE.
I NEED TO BE MORE STABLE.

I NEED TO BE MORE STABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:( Havent felt like this in a longggggg while. last time i was so rocky was like a month ago. thought i finally got over it. i think i did. except this time the devils come back hating me more. (thats great, i know.)

i need to be more stable? i need to be more stable.... its times like this i feel like locking my blog up cos i just feel like hiding in my own little hole telling my feelings to God. ah. today mom gave me a talk on "THINKING MORE". Lol. and i finally realised. that the only reason i can qualified to be smart is cos i'm great at copying. not in that sense. it's like in bio - i'm e memory cell in the antibodies. i only know what i'm taught. i can never solve it for myself. i feel dam stupid la zzz thanks. i feel like running away........ how can i feel like this! i feel dam lousy at projects. i'm so lost. i always have no idea whats gg on. i thought i was meant to lead. phy quiz coming up. i've passed what one or two this term - determined to pass this time. just pray tmr no physics cos im still chionging math written task.

OKAY. NEED TO STOP WALLOWING IN SELF PITY. devil pls go away... pls go away... pls go away.... .


And... i lost my bible. When i look inside my extra i feel so lost. plus its niv.


Actually i think ill feel better after i do qt. i know i will. how can i not. but its project time. it always is.................................................... lalallalalala.
lalalallalala.. allalalalalalalallaa.


Need to be strong.
For God's kingdom
for my connect group
for 304
for my friend
for people God has held me accountable
need to be strong.

i wanna pray...
i wanna pray...
man i feel like whining.

Bible come back to me.
Actually. i feel better alr. hahaa. so scared abt tmr. i guess thats goliath in his armour trying to get me down. NOT GONNA BACK DOWN. go away la um gonna saw ur guts away goliath ;)

i wonder what happens... one day..... when all 3 leave? all i feel that all 3 leave???????
my gosh. i think. i'd be a dead living. living dead. but its faith to carry on. mrewowwowowowowwoowowwowowowo

Need to......... Get out and do something. Heehee trying to get out of China school trip to go for Journalism course. Otherwise i'll be gone from church for 5 weeks D: I'll die. Not feeling too good today. Physically. Spiritually happy. Emotionally tired. Need to pray abit more :) Get out of this mindset. Stop being so lazy. Become smarter. Stop looking from your own perspective. Look at God's persperctive. Ahhh.


I miss you krystleeee.
And i need you God....

so much i feel as if i'm gg to faint. well. its back to work. and back to mugging. dont know how im gonna get thru. i never do. but God somehow always makes it okay anw.

I'll praise You anytime:)

Tuition at 10.30 finished 12.30. Lunch hokkien me at bt market, went krys house. talked, anlynn +isaac came for bs. Yixuan too. Bs was.... great :) applicable to wat i'm gonna haveta go through today. woohoo!

Haha.

Yeah so theres a tonne of work to get done tonight. It's up for me to trust God.

Toodles :)

1 Corinthians 1:10 (New International Version)

Divisions in the Church

¹⁰I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus
Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions
among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.

Helloooooooooooo. 8 am :) Blogging :) Heh well ytd school was.... Fun. Weirdly. Cos quite alot of slack periods. Then the non slack periods were all all all my awesome periods like bio ih and la.

Yeah so yesterday miraculous wonders happened to me.... :) After praying in the morning with hannahhhhhh. Heeheee I was literally crying out to God over ny.

awesome things that happened:

1) No math yesterday = No quiz = Today have quiz = I'm not in school = NO QUIZ
2) No Culture test, postponed to next week!!!!!
3) Chinese SIA presentation postponed to FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
4) LA SIA presentation postponed to NEXT WEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

And since i'm not in school. My dearest CME grp doesnt have to do cme today. Wahahahhaa.

Yeah went home ytd after having such a bad headache the entire day + aaaaaaaaaachooing + .. (nose) flowing all day and felt so .asdajdasjdakdjaa.... But couldnt sleep cos bad headache so popped three pills and slept too much and mum excused me from school today :)

Okay need to pray now... God's been waiting for me for quite awhile. Bb!

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABAAAA.

Today i woke up feeling burdened. But i've started my prayer routine, so... it felt a lot better. Went for school pm in the morning and then physics. Paid full attention ohmywow. Then Math... was feeling super tired. Teachers day audition, well it wasnt BAD, but honestly it was worse than the first one except some words were more clear and distinct this time. Anyhow, by God's will (:

Then ate brownies *woohooooo* and had bio. bio quiz first didnt study for it at all didnt even know it was today :/ Got back bio paper, 84% (: i seem to be getting the same for 2 sciences each time. Love my bio !!!! CME presentation and chinese paper S: okay... Haha. then some talk during cct about some leadership development programme. Came home . bought mogumogu!!

Things to do today:
1) Make a file
2) Study for CC2 ... so-called EOY exam (memorising chinese. ANCIENT CHINESE!! D:)
3) Study trigo quiz, which she awesomely informed us abt today.

More things. but thats what i haveta get done TODAY.

PS. Ex-ny girl got presidents scholar so we have holiday on thursday mua-ha-ha thank you claire soon.

I love the song on Jolyn's blog.... It's making me cry and cry :O I have no idea why.... Even though these are bad times.... Oh man i thank God i thank thank thank Him for being here for me.

When i heard the song... i thought of God 2 people and my family..... and i realised how much i loved them today. Thank you thank you thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on. I dont cry to people much but these few people.... thank you for sharing my burdens with me. Those times when i just cried and cried and cried and cried like 4 hours in a row... who could i entrust myself to but you guys?


and to w445 too... where on earth would i find a beter spiritual family than you? oo man im so emotional now AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
my gosh its like the surprise party deja vu.



THANK YOU GOD!!!
THANK YOU!!! (:

thanks for e song too jo love you muack muack muack!

Today... spent my morning before service started browsing at attributes and looking through books. Felt something tugging me from one shelf to the next just looking for a book. Which was weird, cos i really didnt plan to spend my last fifty dollars of the month on a book. but... i eventually just couldn't seem to not buy dr yonggi cho's "prayer for revival" and weirdly... i had just the right amount to buy it. And that was after digging coin after coin up from my bag. Hmm... Yeah well i don't believe God lets any money, especially the last few precious dollars go to waste, and the book was truely great.

Not say the most WOW book written, but a book that was written based on personal testimony and experience so much that i could feel my spirit being fed by it. And that was proven when i was half dead on the way home - my spirit was just dying to pray. I was tired so tired so tired . And i came home. And i just prayed. Not long. 10 minutes only. Ah but it was a great prayer. A prayer where i really cried tears of release by just talking to God told Him honestly how i had been feeling for the past few days.

The feelings of defeat, helplessness just came pouring out. And i'm so thankful for that. And i believe things will improve. Even though dear suss called me in the middle of the project reminding me i had yet another project to complete, but i still felt good.

I need to pray more. Much much more.

God, You've done it before, You can do it again, please give me a helper in 304. Not just a temporary one. One that has authority, one that speaks and people listens, one that is willing to serve and sacrifice.

Take away the bitterness....
Today was a good cell, had a good talk with meme and prayed with e girls after that. Concert with rita. Starts with the little to get a soul in :) Drinking mogu mogu! Yeay!

Feeling so... burdened these few days. God'll always make things better.

God... i know You can use me to make an impact on my own. But i wish, i hope, i pray for a helper because i know when 2 work together, nothing nothing nothing can ever come against them.

LAZY PEOPLE = OUT
SERVANTHOOD = IN

I went for pm. 20 minutes late, but i know that it will not go to waste. And i'm willing to wait God, i am willing.

haha... its sad to be disappointed by one group of people... but then another one comes in. And its just... Haha... Had dinner at delifrance - By myself. Parents ate at chinese restaurant with their friends. Reading the book - God's smuggler. I think its one of the minimally few things that keep me pressing on.

I have to be strong.
I need to get those pre ordered files done.
I need to finish Chinese SIA
I need to finish LA SIA
I need to finish cme.

Gg to tims concert tmr. Never thought it wld be such a sacrifice. For a soul, fine.

3+1(socalled) projects. Shake the dust of your feet julie. Continue trying new methods, new ways, and be faithful.

Be faithful. God is bigger than my problems. God is good, in the good times and in the bad. He is good all the time.

Today is friday. Today... how should i describe it. Okay basically. If i didnt have God, i would kill myself. Since i do.... I'm still smiling. I don't really know how i'm doing it. I really am becoming more stable.

Well today was youth day fun fair.
bad points about today:

I got scolded by chen lin in the morning for not sending a representative ytd
I didn't bring my file and my parents had to send it
I just couldn't get the class to move up.
The class was just chionging all the files.
Half the class didn't turn up properly for their duty
I stayed there for the entire funfair except first 20 min when i went to buy stuff so that they could make more files and an ice cream.
The files did sold okay, but everyone wanted the stars.
Somehow suddenly everyone seemed to be giving inspirational ideas about the files - too late.
Counted the money. I dont want to disclose.
Found out that a whole group of people slacking in class. Who can i trust in class now?
Got back physics results.
But praise God that i confessed He is not a failing God, tcher marked wrong 3 marks so moved from fail to pass.
Happy for that, but totally disappointed at the results.
Quit physics tuition cos my parents not happy.
Accidentally let the scholars go home cos some other monitor said so (not saying who, not ur fault!!)
Hope i dont get scolded next week.


Good things that happened today
God.


And now i'm home....
Thank God i know that He's good.
Thank God i can still smile.
Thank God i'm not even crying.

And i praise God for the future.
I know it's going to get better. This is just like the connect group. And i'm not giving up.

But i thank God for the people who have put in so much effort & whom i love very much
denise mianjun jamies beibei cherie suss jamie & those who shd noe who they r :)

Thank you for serving your class. I'm very touched!

Today was a great day :) Heeheeeheee Okay not so much result-wise, but still... my undeserved marks. Yeah um math ... langarts.. got super awesome for summary... okay not super but an a1 lei woooohooooo :D miss teng came back to us to go thru with us, I MISS HER!!! shes the awesome teacher that miraculously managed to make me participate in lang arts. Then ih, haha ms wong soooo funny. lunch, chinese :S

well... im still stuck at my b4 ): Haha. i confessed and confessed lowest b3 :P But its okay. I believe God will allow all things to fall into place because i had faith enough to believe that i could get a1 HAHA. (: with faith, we can move mountains. The mountains may move right away, or they may be larger, huger mountains which are so much more worth waiting for :) Chem :S k la 84 but alot of ppl got over 90 so T.T But again only studied the day before so happy YES.

after school prayer meeting. (: it was great. I LOVE YOU CHERIE LEEEEEE !!! then went for tuition.... ended half an hour early went to west mall bought a book called God's smuggler (: its awesome! like heavenly man. yeah bought hannahs birthday gift and read the book awhile and went pioneer meant jamie ate chicky rice at 5.55 chionggg 6 min record!! then went for pm whr maai n brose came. prayed with maai :) great great awesome effort you put in!!!!

Then dad fetched me home n im gonna sleep soon n wake up abit later do qt n go back to sleep. funfair tmr, God's grace! (:

HIIII. Okay today was like ................. BIO, quiz. fine. (: even though it was based on my like one and a half week ago memory haha. And CC.... memorising chinese poems in process... Math! (: Okay well. i did not reach bens target or my target for the matter. But since i only studied the day before i really know i dont deserve it (: Praise God!!!! Minqhee did so well :) she's really shining man!! :DDDDDD proud proud proud of her! Haha then had lunch ih global classroom briefing lang arts. stayed in school with mian and memorised poem + did phy 8.2, went to kap to give felicia bs then went jw for pm :) dad fetched me home.

Alotta stuff to get done tonight! God help me please!!

(:

Hello :) Woke up at like 5:S couldn't sleep bugging dream haha. Then went to school chatted with suss blablabla yeah then PE = basketball = fun although poor thumb hurt ): then chinese just prep for chinese sia presentation, then la prep for la sia presentation. Its nearly over. Thank God.

Then lunch then math, trigo. chem, did chem cal ws, bio, heart. makes my heart feel weird haha :s Yeah then cca. Then went to jw church for prayer meeting.

Stepping inside e house of God on a week day always feel awesome amazing awesome. :)

Haii woke up 9.40 eat cereal watch jonas talk on phone eat lunch (fats again), then slackslackslack 3 start doing project n hw. Wanna go pm today ): but i shall spend time with mum and dad. really really wanna pray. Haiii. such a hard week again, feels harder than last week. Can't do it on my own, help me God please. Doing work now. Feeling really couped up. Needa jog or something.

Today was a good day. Coincidentally my last day of fun. :( Discipline! Okay haha yeah woke up at 4.30 :/ cos my nap turned into a sleep so woke up to do qt. Yeah then went to svc met yx and ry. Prayer meeting was good :) Yixuan you're on fireeee! :-D Service was... even better!! My gosh now i finally know the answers. Christians out there always say "i dont believe it needs to be loud to feel e presence" HA-HA rubbish!!! Go read your bible. The whole church jumped.. almost all which was pretty much amazing. Then all of us knelt down. and BABY DEDICATION! Ooooo tigger you're so cute ahhahaa.

after that went for lunch with ppl and then "shopping" with rui felicia darren and faith. good fellowship, failed movie. bumped into xingying, n309 dudes, cheryl husband and jiayi. (lol). went to borders read kiddy books. Saw someones parents and shuai brudder. Stayed till 7, mrted to yingyans house for her to gimme chem tuition. 8-10, went home. Here now. Sneezing like mad. Needta do qt and rest. Bye! (:

ps. i saw 3 transsexuals today. hahaha in wisma.

HELLO! (: cell wat great. woke up at 10 and watch jonas~~ my mum was scanning in photos to put on facebook HAHAHAHA -.- cg was... an amazing message :) afterwards ate carrot cake spas with eve n human gigglesssss :D ahaha. wanted to change to livejournal... but technology is too complicated for me! forget it!

AHAHAHA thanks maai for giving me the rouge thing :) it was like ... in a keychain so i was wondering why the box had like 'ingredients' on it LOL, till i realised what it was, thanks maai i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it!! :D! anna sui is cool.

Haha k bb now gonna nap then qt then sleep haha ehmgosh so fat

Today was a discouraging day actually. Really felt so tired of trying to hype up the class. I guess everyone in bom has felt that way before. But when i think about it again, i guess thats why God tested me so long in waiting for my connect group to grow. Its the same thing in school and church. It always is.

My connect group has gone through ups and downs. 304 has gone through ups and downs. My connect has had its victories. 304 has had its victories. My connect group has had its (many) failures, 304 has had its... fewer failures. My connect group has required me to sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. 304 has required me to sacrifice, sacrifice sacrifice. My connect group has required me to give, give, give. 304 has required me to give, give, give.

Sometimes i've hated these jobs so much. I've just hated hated hated and wanted to escape from all the responsibilities because i am not naturally skilled to be a responsibility type of person. I've failed again and again and again and again and again at doing so many things and each time it is such a huge blow because i feel all eyes are looking at my failures and just thinking "shes not good enough"

I've hated the fact that sometimes people everywhere, including myself are just too stupid to realise the truth on our own, and hated the fact that they hate me for trying to tell them whats right.

But God reminded me again and again... Of how much He loved me. And that same love He used to love me i have to love the people with. its not so much about me anymore, my strengths, my failures, wtvwtvwtv, it's about God. Because i know He has placed me in a position for something, and that He can strip me from that position in no time at all. But if He as left me there and encouraged me to press on, i have to. If He strips me of my position one day, He's still God... and He still rules.

I must love God more everyday. But i must also love my people more everyday. How can i expect a revival and for people to experience God's love if i do not even have a great enough love for the people? I know God makes every sacrifice worth it. And they really are very, very, amazing people. (:

I love you my dearest connect group & dearest 304. :)

TODAY WAS FUN!:)

mascot session hahaa, DEBB LOOKED SO... quote councillor "SCARY" lollll!!!!!! then went bugis eat bk and iceskating at kallang :) super fun haha!!! then cabbed down to vivo to watch gi joe which was AWESOMEEEEE i love it. hhaahahha.

bumped into ppl today :/ weirdest was like mrs tan, yes, our math teacher. lol. and cher eunice laiteng at vivo!!:D and ariel n ny grls at ice skating haha.

o well. time to eat my eggs n do qt then chi project :)

BLOCKS ARE OVER!

Haha what else can i say :P Thank God for getting me through these 4 days. Totally started day before preparation for half the papers, but i believe God is faithful, and this will be my testimony. :) Haha yeah today after paper went to coro to eat golden rooster! And bought flag tattoos :) then met chermain at coro bus stop and we went to queensway to check out class t stuff. Met the basketballers on the bus haha fun ride. Confirmed the shirt in like 10 minutes woo and then bought ice cream yoghurt :D my favourite!!! Haha and then we like cabbed to redhill cos the uncle so grumpy, then trained to raffles place, then cabbed to cine to watch harry potter . Went in 15 min late HAHAHAA and chermain and jamie were so nice to rewatch, and chermain missed out the first like 10 min of the first time and we missed it again HAAHAAA thanks i love the 2 of you :D

Bused home after that at a new bus stop which i never knew 171 went lol. Thx ah james. Back home at 9 just ate dinner gonna qt now and another fun day tomorrow. Still counting on Your strength Jesus!!! Keep pressing on.

Gosh please pray for me i feel kinda sickly now, NEED AN A1 FOR CHEM TOMORROW!! (:

God i have confessed prayed and believed please help me get well in 7 minutes... so that i can study tonight. Ahhhh. (: I finally downloaded new internet... cant believe i didnt know i was using ancient internet explorer 6 haha. this is so much faster im so slow -.- i want to get a webcam&mike for this laptop :) :) pleaseee daddy!

getting a new bottle too!! yay well at least i kept my last one for nearly a year before i lost it. lol. i kept it through obs, so i have passed my test i think haha.

I can't do it on my own,
Cos in You i've found, my destiny(:

Math today was... quite easy. Lol BUT. I FORGOT TO DO E LAST 2 QUESTIONS TILL I HAD 3 MIN LEFT ):

panicpanic. Im so sure i could have gotten full marks. Hai. Really God's grace. But i asked God for 90%, so i guess its my fault only. :)


last paper tmr, really need help for that!!! gg out with some ppl tmr after school, 304love :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN !!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACINTA!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEVERLYYYYY!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XINYI!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLENE!!

Haha well lotsa birthdays today. :) Not like any of them can see my wishes but if i happen to unlock after eoys end :S Haha. Anw happy birthday mao!!! i have no idea what to get you but today i just send my blessings towards you for being such a great friend.. .. haha.

Chinese was surprisingly awesome hahaha.
Physics was... ... HAHAHA!!! But i'm not of the world, so God's plan is always here for me one way or another :)

math tomorrow, alr did 4 hours of math today gonna qt and do another 2 hours more!
then tmr is just muggin as much chem as i can and then IM FREEEEEE !

time to shine :)

I'm having arm aches cos of unconsciously hugging giggle throughout the night. :( heeeheee.

Haha, thanks for the songs.

I really dont know what to do about physics. Jesus, all to You!

3 papers down. wah it was really God's grace. Will keep having faith.

now to tackle the harder and super unprepared papers, God it's your battle not mine (:

Service was awesome today... I cried like one hundred million times after looking at all the vids and stuff. Never felt such a great love for chc before, it's indeed the best church on earth. (: We're the people who arent ultra-liberal, nor ultra-conservative. And i believe this church is going to SHAKE THE WORLD.

And i want to be part of it.
It's 5 pm didnt get much studying done this weekend.
Was kinda wishing i would get sick but then i remembered that i really really want to see God's miracles work in my life. Cos like dr alex abraham said today "Don't measure what God can do"

I'm exhausted but i know my God is good and He's going to use me as long as i trust in Him.
Help me God, please.

I LOVE YOU CITYHARVEST!
Happy happy 20th anniversary :), you're gonna change the world!! we're gonna change the world.